Tuesday, February 23, 2010

If loving the bachelor is wrong, I don't ever want to be right

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Has anyone bee watching the Bach this season? (If you are an avid Bach watcher, you've earned the right to use this nickname.) You probably watch and maybe don't admit it. Well this season has been AWESOME! You know, so bad it's great? But it perplexes me because of all the bachelors in past history, I think Jake is one of the worst. Ok Prince Lorenzo probably takes first prize, but Jake is a close second. In my opinion, he is a goober. I think he would have been king zoobie at BYU. I see him at a stake dance, with his incredible moves. For some reason, girls are going crazy for him, wanting to be his co-pilot and all that. (gag me please. How many puns can we use because Jake is a pilot?)

Anyways, last night's the women tell all was amazing! Usually the most boring episode of the season, this one was fantastic! So let me just point out some highlights:

-Love to see all the women he's sent home...don't recognize half of them
-Jessie, who are you and why do you have a rose behind your ear?
-Rozlyn, Rozlyn, Rozlyn. You are a LIAR!
-Rozlyn your dress looks like someone is unwrapping a present.
-She acts like she has no idea what anyone is talkilng about. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!
-Chris Harrison, I love you. Thank you for sticking it to Rozlyn.
-Why do I feel upset that Rozlyn dissed Chris...I think I have been watching too long. We feel like old friends. He would never hit on someone elses wifey.
-When did all these people with children pop up?
-Gia, your gorgeous, no worries. Thank you for not wearing the hideous heart necklace around your wrist.
-Alli, I liked you better last night. I laughed out loud when you said, "I want a super fart."
-Why is Jake making them all cry? Poor Christine.
-Embarrassed for Emily having to watch her teasing Jake about kissing her. "You wanna make out with my forehead all night?" Bad.
-Michelle. Wow. Thank you ABC for casting her. She was the perfect blend of beautiful, pathetic and psycho.
-Gia, stop talking about Michelle. She will kill you. No, seriously stop talking about her, I fear for your life.
-Outake real makes me like everyone a little bit better. Love Jake in the shower running like a madman.
-Love Chris Harrison singing "On the wings of Love" to Jake.
-Can't get over seeing Sausages's founding father hairstyle again. (That's what we call Vienna...tell me you had those when you were little)
-Surprised Jake didn't tell everyone there he was falling in love with them
-Please don't make Alli the next bachelorette.
-Love Tenley. Love that people think she poops rainbows and dreams in cartoons. Isn' t that the kind of person Jake needs to end up with? She was Arial people! In fact I could see Jake and Tenley living a very happy life as mermaid and merman. That way Jake could go around showing his abs off all day. (Please no more close ups or discussions about his abs. PLEASE).

So that's a brief recap. Can't wait for the finale. Pretty please pick Tenley. Stay away from Sausage.


Lindsey said...

I am soooo with you, what the heck is with Rozlyn, she acts so shocked that people thought something was going on, but then at the end tries to burn Chris by saying he hit on the producers wife, How would she know something like that if she hadn't been having intimate conversations with the producers, shes a ho and could be the villianess on Days! Also I don't like Vienna, she needs to be sent home to the Bayou.

Wish I could be in Utah to watch the finale with you!!

Emily and Danny said...

Ok, I have NO problem admitting that I have LOVED LOVED LOVED this season. It is amazing. Your post right now was awesome and so right on. I can't believe Rozlyn and I hate what she said to Chris. I felt sick all night about it. I hate her. I think Vienna is going to win and that makes me sick too. Oh, we must talk:) What is your email. At least we can talk about who wins next week! And I want to add you to our blog too. My email is emilylassen@gmail.com
Miss you! Your boys are darling. We love our little boy James. He just turned 18 months and is in nursery. Kind of makes me sad. He is growing up. Hope all is well!
Emily (Paugh) Lassen

Holly Park said...

Yay! I was going to post my own Bachelor recap, but yours was so much better! First off, please tell me that you've noticed that Gia talks baby talk all the time. Yes, she's pretty, but goo-goo, ga-ga. Can't handle it! And Rozyln... thank heavens that it was the "scandal" of the season...so juicy delicious! And come on, try and tell me that that kind of naughty business never happened before in Bachelorland...did you SEE the highlights from the bachelor reunion in Vegas??

Now for Vienna. She is a tranny. Matt and I can't get over how traniliscious she is. That's right. Matt might be more into this season than me (thanks to knee surgery recovery on the couch).

Last but not least--it has been clearly spelled out that Ali is the next bachelor...couldn't be more obvious--I know she was scared to just love, but something tells me that she'll be ready to go for it next season when it's her turn.

And yes, Jake is an uber nerd. Did you see his AWESOME necklace in the tub? He's just so sensitive and always mentions his heart... I have NEVER met a guy that talks like that.

Ahh, so good to get it off my chest. Teleconference Bachelor next Monday!!

Amy and Clark said...

we love to love and make ridiculous fun of the bachelor! clark can hardly go a day without singing "on the wings of love" in some fashion. such a guilty pleasure show but far too entertaining to ever pass up.
too bad we aren't all closer so we could have monday night bachelor gatherings!

Anna said...

I'm definitely a closet bachelor fan. The show has kept me company while Mike has been away for a month. I was so grossed out by the "reunion" reel though. Put a bunch of hot men and women together in Vegas or on a cruise and nothing good happens.

I can't believe Rozlyn. What a skank. If she would have just been honest she wouldn't have looked so dumb! Everyone knows she's a big fat liar.

I kinda like Vienna. Sorry! She's not my favorite person on the show but Jake seems to seriously love her. She reminds me a TON of my ex-sister in law (they could be twins), who I really liked too but was so wrong for my brother - he and Jake aren't a lot alike. I think someone like Jake would make Vienna happy and her him. By the way, I totally agree that he is the biggest goof ball. It's hilarious that so many girls could "fall in love" with him so quick. I also think it's funny that he was so offended by Rozlyn saying she cheated on him. While I don't like Rozlyn, I also don't think he can say that she cheated on him and not think he's doing the same to all these other women ;)

Tinley is awesome. I do hope he chooses her in the end, but I kind of doubt he will. The girls on the show were exactly right. It's like she stepped out of a Disney movie. I'll be so sad for her if she gets her heart broken again.

Thanks for writing this blog!

Mary and Ryan said...

You blogging more often makes me whole day better!! I love you and am wishing wishing that I had watched the bachelor this season!!Damn.

Ruby said...

I agree with everything you said! I LOVE the Bach! Where did Sausage come from? I call her cross-eyes. I can't wait until next week!

Chad and Margaret Olson said...

So Sausage comes from Vienna sausage...the gross little weiners in a can?! A childhood memory...like bologna

Steph said...

LOVE HTE POST, am OBSESSED with bach even tho i can't watch it over here in china -- (my friends are gmail chatting me in tho to the finale next week) agree on all points - but think he chooses loser vienna and then regrets it - he really is a goober!

Natalie said...


brit said...

i am not even watching this season... but i am totally laughing my butt off reading you post! you crack me up! class was dang fun, i'm so glad you did it! call me with any questions... seriously! i know i have said that a million times!

Emily said...

Since Colin broke our TV, there's not even a chance of watching the Bachelor (I don't feel comfortable calling it Bach), but I want to after your words. But my favorite part is that at the bottom of the post it says, "This posted by Chad and Margaret," and I am imagining Chad right there by your side. I know he is. In fact, Chad probably wrote the whole thing, right? Time to come out of the shadows, Chad!