That's all I could keep saying watching the finale last night. Really? Vieanna? He chose the Spicy Sausage. Wow. Honestly I didn't really feel like he liked her that much. I thought she was the girl the producers told him to keep around because she was good TV. But apparently, as we heard last night, Vienna is "his baby." Gag. And let it be noted that Tenley is a princess with a heart of gold. I think I fell in love with her! She's a class act and I'm glad she's not with Jake!
Ok let's recap, because there were some great moments!
-He talks about choosing one of them like he's picking produce. And can he please stop saying he's in love with both of them? Seriously! Driving me nuts.
-"My family came to help me fall in love." Apparently he is mentally challenged. Nice of them to come to St. Lutia for the day to help though.
-Is his Dad crying? Oh Tenley you are the perfect little darling for this family. Oh now mom is crying! Vieanna is so toast.
-Jake confessing he has't "played rough" with Tenley yet. But that was remedied when they went for a "spontaneous" jump in the pool. Oh and now everyone is jumping in. Shucks, if those Pavelkas don't beat all.
-Vienna with her confident, "hi baby".
-Oh things are not going well for Spicy Sausage. It's all bad Vienna. Did she tell his sister she looked kind of fat? Nice.
-"So won't you be shocked if Jake doesn't pick you?" Love the sister.
-Oh the playing in the mud. So bad. Please don't make me watch.
-"So, what was it like being married for 3 weeks?" valid question Jake. I love that it's pertinent. Don't worry, you'll know soon enough. (too mean? Sorry.)
-Jake and Tenley..another run to eachother reuunion. This one quite awkward.
-Wow, Tenley is quite excited for her date. "Are we going on this boat!!!!! Oh I'm so excited!"
-Did he just tell her he's not physically attracted to her? Nice. So clueless!!! He better be stop being such a jerk or all her little nomb friends are gonna coming calling for him.
-Did he just say "I love it," when Tenley said I love you?
-Producers: "Jake go ponder on the balcony. Please look pensive and slightly in pain. Then go put your feet in the pool and do it again."
-Ok the moment if coming. Why am I nervous? I now what the spoilers say, but please don't pick Vienna. Please, please.
-NOOOOOOOO! No way! Seriously? Vieanna? Oh Tenley you look so pretty. A pretty, pretty princess.
-As Chad said, "He's a lame-wad." Fo sho.
-"I love that we have the same morals,"....but I'm going the other way with Spicy Sausage. Lame.
-Tenley stop being so nice. Stop saying he's amazing. Stop, stop, stop! I can't take it.
-Great, bring on Spicy Sausage. Let her have her moment.
-Please, dump both of them, please dump both of them.
-ahhhh, the fake out. Classic. Nicely done Jake.
-all the previous contestants are crapping their pants. Especially Ali, our newest Bachelorette. (not excited).
-Now the love montage. How special. I'm so mad. Mad, as Chad said, "that I ever watched this garbage." Truth.
After the final Rose:
-Tenley is way too gracious. She really is above all this garbage.
-Did he just call her precious? Ok she is, but it just sounds condescending. But hey, they are friends forever! It's a win win. Or in The Office terms, a win, win, win.
-"Pulled a Meznick." I love you Chris Harrison. Is it just me or is he getting funnier?
"It's been blissful." Shucksy darn Jake.
-Vienna, pick a focal point and keep your eyes glued to it. I'm getting dizzy. (Mean again? Apologies.)
-Wow, never thought I'd see "On the Wings of Love" performed ever, let alone in this century.
-Oh the dancing and the making out and the song. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!
So, in the end all I have to say is, whatever. Congrats to Goober and Spicy Sausage. Congrats to Tenley for being the sweetest little niblet ever. And at the end of my viewing, was I totally fine with hitting the "yes, delete" button on my tevo? Absolutely. I'm never watching this show again.
ps-see you in May for the Bachelorette.